I want to be creating content way more often - like all of the time. In reality though, I end up not most of the time. What’s the hold up?
If there’s a disconnect between what I tell myself I want to do and what I’m actually doing, there is obviously something else going on. What is it?
It used to be that I actually didn’t have the energy. My complex chronic illness kept me mostly stuck in bed with massive brain fog and pain all over for the majority of my 20’s. And sporadically for days at a time for years into my 30’s, but finally in the past 2ish years I’ve found a treatment that has kept me overall really fucking healthy!!
That’s a huge mental adjustment and lifestyle change. That has taken quite awhile to get used to, and there’s a lot of lingering fears about not having the energy or the treatment suddenly not working anymore. So I have to acknowledge that.
There’s more to it than that though. It’s back to this perfectionism thing, but also, also this idea that I have to be better and better until I can offer others help. Like when I was in the thick of my illness, I couldn’t even think about the idea of sharing anything on a blog bc writing very much hurt my brain, and I told myself I have to not be sick anymore to help anyone else possibly not be sick.
I didn’t see how much mindset shift help I could offer. All of the huge, massive changes I made in my life could help someone else to make similar shifts and growth in their life. I’m sure that getting training in the healing practice of yoga that saved my life was a necessary step in the process, and I can continue to share all of myself along the way.
I keep telling myself I have to have my life even more together before writing articles or a book or put out what I want, but fuck that. I’m living at a really really livable level where I feel happy and content more than I feel worried or sad. I make a positive impact on other people’s lives in small ways daily, and when I’m really lucky, sometimes in a larger way. I lived through some things people can barely stand to hear, let alone experience, and here I am - 36, thriving, and living my dream in New York City.
I have to get real here. What’s stopping me from getting to the next level is the belief I have to already be on the next level. And then this attachment or an idea of a next level instead of just immense, overwhelming gratitude for where I am right now.
Thank you so much for reading this and connecting with my spirit.
I felt low and irritable this morning because I needed to work this shit out. I got scared again and played small and likable to the masses, which equals not much output from me. That’s not what I dream of next.
I came into existence and had the experiences that guided me to where I am for a reason. We all have a purpose. This world needs me and who the hell am I to steal from everyone by not sharing what’s within me.
And by the way, this is not just for me. We all have a purpose. This world needs you, and who the hell are you to steal from everyone by not sharing what’s within you!